This article was released in May 2003 and appeared
We think it’s still righteous.
This is a true story. Honest.
Quite recently I was talking to a second year college
student who declared with beaming pride that he was about to become
a member of a new black campus group. Congratulations I told him,
and asked what student organization had he joined? He scoffed
and stated that student organizations weren’t for him as they
were all filled with “Negroes.” I made certain to tuck away the
flyer I was holding, which urged students to attend an affirmative
action debate, from one such “Negro” infested organization. Having
side-stepped that minefield I inadvertently however walked into
another, asking the individual if he meant he had joined a fraternity?
This resulted in a number of expletives and the declaration of
a profound abhorrence for Black Greek-letter fraternities and
sororities, denouncing them as elitist, subversive and dangerous
elements. I nodded to confirm agreement as I kept a wary eye on
the insidious Greek-letter wearing fiends nearby. Even then they
were up to no good: putting on a drive for Sickle-Cell Funding
and creating a sign-up roster for TASP testing tutors at a local
public school. Infidels, I muttered in disgust.
After the brief suspense the student informed me
that the group he had joined was both Negro-free and dedicated
to the uplift of the black community. It had its own hairstyles,
assorted forms of jewelry, slang and other cultural affects. The
student informed me proudly that he had come to the realization
that he was “conscious” and that this was now the group of which
he was a member.
For those outside of black popular slang, “conscious”
does not refer to this individual being awakened from the Matrix
by the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar – at least not literally. Rather
the term “conscious” has taken on a meaning in the black community
relating to one who is politically, racially, culturally informed,
knowledgeable and aware. As this student had decided (through
some form of self-declaration) that he was now conscious,” he
wanted to know if I had any advice for him – as he suspected that
I was an old head/O.G. within the group, despite my mild-mannered
I politely informed the student that not only was
I of lesser rank among those who consider themselves “conscious,”
but that I wasn’t really a spokesman. But the student persisted.
Surely he said, I could tell him something. He had caught me reading
some Franz Fanon before and noticed the Boondocks cartoons plastered
in my office. Certainly, he begged, I could give him some advice
on becoming “conscious” – show him the ropes so to speak. No I
said, attempting to hide my cowrie shells, I truly had no idea
what he was talking about. Yet the student refused to be put off
and I realized – like a Beatnuts track – there was no escaping
Looking around to make sure there were no prying
eyes, I jostled the student hurriedly into a dark corner and put
on a stern scowl. These matters were not to be discussed so openly
I admonished him! There were rules and protocols to be followed!
One didn’t just wake up and declare openly that one was conscious!
Didn't he know that there were extremist and fringe fanatics in
the conscious crowd waiting to snatch him away to some cult compound?
Was he not aware that the road he was embarking upon had driven
some mad? The “conscious” crowd was filled with insightful, informative
and positive peoples dedicated to what they term the “struggle”
– but there was a seedy underbelly that preyed on recently opened
minds, eagerly waiting to assimilate them into the hive collective.
Every community has its fringe. The student stammered an apology,
shocked and fearful at my Keyser-Soze-type change in demeanor.
Shut up and listen, I told him! A quick backhanded pimp slap across
the mouth let him I know I meant business. Leaning in closer,
cloaked in the concealment of the shadows, I opened up some files
I held and spilled the precious information like that black-ops
agent in Oliver Stone’s JFK (played by Donald Sutherland), detailing
the more extremist factions of the “conscious” crowd, their ideologies
and suggestions by which to navigate through them.
The following is an excerpt from those files. And
I warn you as I warned him, this information is classified… Read
at your own risk.
Identifying the Fringe in the ‘Conscious’ Community:
A Brief Dossier & Guide Manual
The 1960ers: usually consists of leadership
by older conscious members with a few young adherents. This group
will constantly and consistently stress the importance of 1960s
radical Black Power movements, personalities and organizations.
Their main goal it seems is to bring about the level of political
awareness that existed in the black community near half a century
Pros: means well; are genuinely concerned
with the plight of black people; are very good at organizing protests;
marches and informing the younger generation on the monumental
importance of history from near a century ago (from BAM to the
plight of Assata Shakur).
Cons: it was near a century ago; many of
the staunch 1960’ers seem unable to deal with the realities of
the 21st century; too few understand that different times require
different tactics; they mean well but are generally antiquated
(i.e., attempting to mimic Mao Tse Tung’s disastrous agricultural
communal farming ideas, though they caused millions of Chinese
to starve to death) and unable to reach the masses.
Suggestions: Adapt and change or perish.
As the urban philosopher of Shaolin would say, these analog cats
need to get digital.
The Doom Projectors: usually consists of
older and younger “conscious” members. Their main focus is to
inform us about all that is wrong with black people, in their
perspective. Doom projectors know every negative statistic relating
to black people and disease, the prison system, homicide, economics,
dysfunctional families, teen pregnancies, drug abuse and just
about any other social ill plaguing the community. In their estimation
nothing is getting better for black people, rather we are steadily
marching towards an apocalyptic abyss.
Pros: shock and scare therapy sometimes works;
can motivate and spur people into action; are human computers
(like black Mentats) when it comes to statistic number crunching
and predicting dire forecasts; help inspire really great Hip Hop
songs like “Self-Destruction.”
Cons: scares the beejeezus outta you; by
the time you’re finished listening to these horrible statistics
you don't want to get mobilized, you want to crawl into a hole
and listen to sorrowful songs from 2Pac’s "Me Against the
World"; can't always trust their stats.
Suggestions: Discuss the negatives with a
balance of the positive; point out black achievements and progressive
steps. By all means keep us abreast of what work needs to be done.
But the world already tells us “we ain't sh*t.” Another spokesman
The Conscious Thug Consortium: mostly consists
of younger members who have managed to intertwine two seemingly
unrelated words, “conscious” and “thug,” into an actual national
movement. Conscious thugs shun scholarly political work but instead
embrace the philosophy of “street knowledge.” Believing that no
one truly understands the plight of the black masses but the thug,
these individuals extol the virtues of the street team lifestyle
but lace it with pro-black ideologies. Thus in one sentence they
may quote Donald Goines and in the next Malcolm X. Conscious thugs
can be found on numerous street corners, where they tend to blend
in with the more common thug variety, but “kick knowledge” every
now and again. They have proliferated in the modern Hip Hop community.
Pros: unlike regular thugs they can truly
see that there is a struggle to be fought; in the current “Thug
Renaissance” sweeping the black community they are quite relatable
– especially to the street crowd.
Cons: being pro-black doesn’t always equal
being “positive”; have hyper-patriarchal ideas of masculinity;
they are proud in their sexism; their over-inflated ideas of manhood
can't really allow them to accept black women as equals, but rather
in stereotyped categories of saints, gold-diggers or freaks; not
above reverting to a common fratricidal thug over the slightest
beef or insult; their dueling ideologies (thug vs conscious) makes
them seem contradictory and garbles their messages often into
incoherence; refuses to leave their limbo state but instead revels
in the freedom it creates; the totality of their struggle seems
to consist of greater access of every black man to more Cristal,
bigger Jesus-pieces, phatter Escalades, even phatter prime choice
booty (preferably in a thong) and the really good, good weed.
Suggestions: There’s a ready-made place for
thugs. It’s called jail. Society does indeed help make thugs,
who in turn contribute to their own oppression by playing the
role and then filling the jails. It’s a nice little cycle, but
only the “real” thugs (who build and profit from the jail) make
a profit. If you know about this pimp-o-logical system, break
it. Trim the thug-fat from your waistline. It’s unneeded and unhealthy.
That would really be revolutionary.
The Lumpen-Proletariat Reformation Movement (LPRM):
consists of members who adhere to the belief system that the “revolution”
will come not from the upper, middle or even lower class elements
of society – but from the absolutely bottom rung: the lumpen-
proletariat of Marxist ideology that occupy the underclass of
society, often typified by their inability to find consistent
legal work and thus resorting to criminal and other undesirable
activity. The LPRM can at times be aligned with the conscious
thugs, though they do not generally claim the appellation of thug
themselves. Rather the LPRM asserts that inside every thug is
a revolutionary waiting to be born. In the minds of the LPRM,
thugs represent the greatest potential as revolutionaries as their
pride in criminal activity is deemed rebellion against the system/society.
Furthermore, the LPRM generally accuses anyone who works within
the system (from those who hold a 9 to 5 job, to teachers in the
school system, to black politicians, to those in academia, to
the old woman who calls the police when some thugs break into
her home) of being the sworn enemies of the lumpen-proletariat
and thus traitors to the “the revolution.”
Pros: are following a well-known methodology
that is based on some semblance of sound political ideology; highlights
intra-racial class issues; speaks up for a segment of society
that is often neglected or regarded as refuse or hopeless; is
a firm champion of the underdog; advocates many of the positive
attributes of visionaries like Huey P. Newton.
Cons: creates enemies out of potential allies
by declaring anyone involved in the system (which can again include
simply having legal and gainful employment) a capitalist oppressor
(not seeming to understand that the owning of capital is rather
key in this definition, which the average employed black person
does not have); holds thugs accountable for nothing, rather placing
the blame for any and all of their actions on society (including
black teachers, civil rights activists, etc.), thus negating self-discipline
and self-empowerment; often never lived in the hood and have simplistic
romanticized ideas of philosopher pimps and accountant wizard
crack dealers; when their “noble-savage” fairytale of ghetto hoodlums
is shocked into reality (by becoming a victim of crime or the
like themselves), there’s a serious chance they’ll devolve into
Black Conservative Republicans.
Suggestions: Realize that the revolution
isn't happening over night. Change will have to come from more
than the criminal element. If you went to college, lived in the
suburbs or hold a respectable job – be proud of it. There’s no
need to hide or feel embarrassed about those things. If the revolution
happens tomorrow I would want a society filled with professionals,
scholars and intelligent, strong, moral leadership – not pimps,
pick-pockets and hustlers. Ask the criminal element you so love
and admire; I bet they want to live in a place like that too.
We Hate Whitey Federation: these individuals
don't like white people, white holidays, white culture, white
music, white food, white dogs, white umbrellas, etc. This is pretty
much the sum totality of their belief system. Often they will
get together to discuss all the ways in which they hate whites
and a few will even call for white extermination as the solution
for all the world’s ills.
Pros: can reveal many interesting and bizarre
factoids about white people (i.e., white hygiene, or lack thereof,
in medieval Western Europe) that can be useful at parties, barbershop
conversations, etc.; has found a way to use the rage that society’s
racism creates within us all and isn't afraid to express it; sometimes,
especially against hardcore white supremacists, they’re invaluable
and indispensable; really cause reflection upon the classic line
by Paris, “who’s to blame for the hate that hate made?”
Cons: their existence is predicated upon
the existence of white supremacy (translation: they hate whites,
because whites hate them); they lose the moral high ground by
sinking to the level of the white supremacists; hatred eventually
leaves them as bitter and hollow as the catalyst they hate; their
movement does very little in the way of productiveness for the
struggle in the long run; a significant number of them work for
white people (including being in the US military) and might probably
just be acting out frustrations at a superior/boss rather than
actually having concern for the struggle; worse thing about these
individuals: you can't take them out anywhere.
Suggestions: Hate is a natural human emotion.
It can even be useful and is understandable. However getting trapped
at that level of existence only tends to stunt your growth. Though
race as a social reality is quite powerful (and I do NOT advocate
the false move to some colorblind society anytime soon), at the
same time race the biological construct is a white supremacist
fallacy. We’re all members of the same species, though the way
we act sometimes you wouldn’t know it. Don't allow white supremacy
to turn you into a mirror-reflection in black-face, because at
the end of the day you really don't have the stomach to gas little
white children or toss them into crematories – and you know it.
Save the supremacy business for the folks that do it best.
White Supremacy Analysts: can sometimes be
allied with the We Hate Whitey Federation, but really focus more
so on the study and power of white supremacy itself than engaging
in the hatred of whites. These individuals tend to not only read
works by Frances Cress-Welsing, Neely Fuller or Marimba Ani, but
make such things their literal bibles – often above and beyond
the intentions of the actual authors. They stress the need to
critically analyze white supremacy, its affects, mores, means
and application. What makes white people tick and do what they
do consumes every waking moment of these individuals lives. According
to many of these self-professed scholars of “Caucasian habits,”
white people are the most powerful and intelligent force in the
known universe (due to their current elevated status in the world)
and it is black peoples’ weakness in the face of this power that
has allowed us to be oppressed.
Pros: recognizes the role of white supremacy
and its affects on the black psyche; usually a highly intellectual
bunch; seeks out white supremacy in nearly everything for critical
analysis; can spot racism from at least a hundred yards; are believed
to possess extra-sensory racism perceptions: allowing them to
see a racist act, before it is actually committed.
Cons: seeks out white supremacy in nearly
everything, to the point of seeming ludicrous; blames black people
for being victims of racism in the past, as we were supposedly
simply not strong or smart enough to save ourselves; in the end
has actually bought into the basic premise of white supremacy:
that white people are the most powerful and intelligent force
in the known universe.
Suggestions: Gods aren’t gods if they don't
have worshippers; ergo white people are only gods if you worship
them. Don't believe in white supremacy; try believing in your
black self; its healthier.
EANS (Extremely Angry Negro Syndrome): it
is hard to place this category, because it is more like an affliction
than actual type. Symptoms usually include a high degree of anger
and the belief that making everyone as furious as they are will
bring about mobilization and spark instantaneous “consciousness.”
Though a great deal of their anger is directed against “the man”
(who they take great pleasure in telling off or scaring at any
given chance), most of this rage eventually is turned upon other
black people. If one does not quickly accelerate to these individuals’
level of anger, there is the strong possibility you will be denounced
as an Uncle Tom, traitor or “honkie-lover” (the latter is a direct
Pros: a significant amount of these afflicted
individuals are new to the struggle (in fact some may have grown
up in lily white venues before), and the shock of seeing things
through “conscious” eyes causes the onset of disease as their
worldview is challenged and thrown into imbalance; most will calm
down over time and channel their anger in a more productive means;
EANS is a natural phase nearly everyone who becomes “conscious”
goes through; though it may cause some to lash out at friends
and family members for being “deaf, dumb and or blind,” it is
best these latter individuals wait out the disease of their loved
one as it will normally clear up with maturity.
Cons: if left untreated, EANS can develop
into a chronic disability. Some clear cases may include standing
with bullhorns in black urban venues and screaming at other black
people to get as angry as ones self; verbally insulting and lashing
out at black passer-bys for not reaching a desired fever pitch
of fury; brandishing weapons (empty) and jumping in front of television
cameras at any given opportunity to show white people how angry
you are (synonyms include “show-biz revolutionaries”); will more
than likely turn off ten times as many black people as they turn
on; all this anger will probably result in hypertension and high
blood pressure, both of which are deadly.
Suggestions: St. John’s Wort, prozac or anger-management.
Perhaps watch or read Malcolm X and see how he channeled anger
into pro-active philosophy/action.
The Blackness Gestapo: a rogue and more extremist
wing of the Blackness Police whose primary goal is to seek out,
expose and verbally abuse other black individuals that are deemed
race-traitors, Uncle Toms, etc. What places the Black Gestapo
apart from the Blackness Police is the extremely high standard
they set for what is deemed appropriate black political and cultural
behavior, leaving little room open for deviance from this line
(i.e., one offense can render a lifetime of work in the struggle
null and void). Their usual targets are black political leaders,
black political groups, black entertainers and most especially
a black social group called Sigma Pi Phi founded in the 1900s
by black professionals and oft-criticized for their elitism (also
known as, the Boule).
Pros: highlights elitism in the black community;
holds black leaders, entertainers and others socially responsible;
not afraid to level criticism.
Cons: their idealistic idea of what it means
to be black and proud is unreachable by just about anyone; they
focus more attention on harshly criticizing other black people
than dealing with numerous other worthy issues; incapable of building
any type of encompassing black coalition with anyone outside their
grouping; cause more disunity and chaos than anything approaching
a semblance of black unity; have created a type of “Black McCarthyism”
in their hunts for race-traitors; their dangerous rhetoric can
at times often call for intra-racial violence directed against
the accused; their focus is rather narrow, somehow only going
after politicians, leaders and entertainers for acts of “betrayal”
but silent on deeds of black drug dealers, gangs and others who
sow seeds of destructiveness in the community; may be afflicted
with severe EANS.
Suggestions: The Black world is multi-faceted
and diverse. While criticism is certainly valuable, making blanket
comparisons of a noted Black Conservative who works on behalf
of white foundations to dismantle black progress (Ward Connerly)
with a social activist, Pan-Africanist, anti-lynching crusader
(WEB DuBois) because of disagreements on some issues (namely the
entire Marcus Garvey feud), and thus labeling the latter a “race-traitor”
is simply extremist, erroneous and shameful. Try to find what
we agree upon before picking apart the differences.
Anti- [Place Word Here]: these individuals
are typified by their uncanny ability to be anti- [any and all
things]. Their backpacks are probably dotted with buttons detailing
mostly what they don't agree with: anti-globalism, anti-war, etc.
Pros: they are public activists and bring
issues to light that need to be discussed.
Cons: where they stand on an issue, beyond
being against it, is uncertain; and when they do make a firm stand,
there’s hardly ever a solution offered; when a solution is offered,
it is so impractical that it is made moot; often have a “with
me or against me” attitude, often failing to entertain or examine
shades of gray; they tend to support anyone that is anti- [what
they are this week], without at times fully inspecting who they’re
allying with; eventually their cries become a monotone of rhetoric
that no one pays attention to.
Suggestions: Opposition movements work best
when viable, practical and sensible alternative solutions are
Black Anti-Intellectualist Movement (BAIM):
these are individuals who have adopted the Jacksonian Era philosophy
of anti-intellectualism, married them with 1900s positivism and
applied them to an ideology of being “conscious.” BAIM emphasizes
the idea that intellectual pursuit and methodologies used in modern
disciplines such as science, history, etc. are the sole creations
of whites. Blacks therefore should shun these academic methods
of understanding and rely instead on what are deemed “African”
or “Black” ways of understanding. Some BAIM adherents even adopt
a form of Negritude, declaring logical pursuits the domains of
whites and artistic (deemed emotional or spiritual) matters the
domain of blacks.
Pros: highlight serious culturally inherent
flaws with academia and the scholarly world that should be addressed.
Cons: make white people the architects of
everything in the modern world; falsely believe that prior to
white people blacks and others were not using systems similar
to the modern scientific or historic methodologies; falsely believe
that non-blacks have not contributed to what is the pursuit of
knowledge and understanding in the modern world; falsely believe
that somehow white people “own” science or the like; take non-understanding
of a subject as evidence of a flaw in said subject; are clueless
as to the nature of evidence as a method of making a case; will
engage in debate not by presenting evidence, but speaking from
emotion and critiquing any evidence presented, again from a stance
of emotion; all conflicts in their mind boil down to “opinion”
as to them there are no facts; employ methods and ways of understanding
or gaining knowledge that are individualistic rather than collective
(in other words, their methods only work for them – you thus can't
verify or deny it; it is un-test-able); will try to make others
drop out of school or belittle their academic accomplishments
as reliance on the white man’s pedigree.
Suggestions: Engaging in debate with them
is pointless, because you will be the only person presenting evidence
while they pull the most improbable opinions out of thin air (without
evidence) to present as fact. Best thing to do, avoid them.
Wide-Eyed Religious Fanatics: may come in
various spiritual persuasions, though the more fanatical and feverish
tend to adhere to specialized and small black sects (often with
an established membership merely in the dozens) of the three major
Western Religions (Judaism, Christianity and Islam). What separates
them from other black religions is an extremist fundamentalist
perspective, often declaring their miniscule, minority belief
system the only true path for black people to find salvation,
freedom and liberty, and denouncing all others as heretical and/or
Satanic. They can often be found in the black sections of urban
areas standing on platforms/benches screaming verses from a particular
holy text. A cult of personality is often established around one
individual in the group that borders on the level of cult, if
not fully crossing over that line.
Pros: Given that you can hear them screaming
from blocks away, they have a good set of lungs.
Cons: Their fundamentalism isolates and prevents
them from working with others, religious or non-religious. Their
venomous dislike for traditional African religions (calling such
things as Ifa the practice of “pagan heathens,” or declaring they
don't worship “rocks in the mud” like their African ancestors)
competes for something out of a Neo-Nazi handbook. Beyond the
self-hate that denigrates Africa and glorifies Western Asia, there’s
also a high probability that these individuals are certifiably
Suggestions: Don't anger them or make sudden
movements in their presence.
Supa-Dupa AfriKans: a segment of the conscious
population that has taken the Afrocentric and African-centered
academic movement, and adopted these scholarly pursuits as an
everyday lifestyle and way of living. Though many have done this,
these individuals represent a more extreme caste. Members will
usually dress in a mix of African and modern African-American
garb; wear assorted bits of African jewelry; make greetings in
one or two African words (normally Kiswahili, Pharaonic Egyptian
or Akan); sport a claimed “Afrocentric” hairstyle and extol Africa.
Pros: have a devout love and pride about
themselves as black people and Africa; may be quite informed on
aspects of black history and elements of culture; often push for
a healthy dietary lifestyle, fight against racism and more.
Cons: makes everyone else feel they are somehow
lacking in their own African-ness; thinks walking around with
a licorice stick in one’s mouth is acceptable at any venue; have
never stepped foot on the continent of Africa but have been planning
to go there for the better part of a decade; often think they
can out-African even black people who live on the continent of
Africa; a lot of what they think is African, really isn't; have
grand spiritual, economic and political ideas for Africa but have
a general misunderstanding of traditional or modern African spiritual,
economic or political institutions; romanticism of pre-colonial
Africa may leave them very unaware of political, social and other
events in modern Africa; horrific occurrences like Rwanda’s genocide
completely shakes their foundation.
Suggestions: Africa’s complex. Don't treat
it like a singular entity. Make the trip, meet some people, get
some connections, cause some real change on both sides of the
Fantastical Fact Fellowship (FFF): consists
of individuals known for their ability to offer historical facts
that often seem quite fantastic. Examples of their work include
the now famous Willie Lynch document, the etymological origin
of the word “picnic” from the common 20th Century American lynch
era phrase “pick-a-n*gger,” or even the assertion that the first
President of the United States was a black man (John Hanson).
These types usually occupy online groups, forums and listservs.
Pros: mean well; may often highlight interesting
historical matters in the context of their “facts” (i.e., the
brutality of slavery associated with discussions of the Willie
Lynch letter; the normalization of extreme violence in the lynching
era associated with etymological investigations into the word
“picnic;” providing insight into the Articles of Confederation
that preceded the government structure as we know it when addressing
the John Hanson assertion).
Cons: a little research often discredits
their claims (i.e., the Willie Lynch letter is not only most likely
a modern forgery, but its seemingly well-intentions actually obscure
the importance of black resistance to slavery and absolves the
role of post-1700s racism in understanding issues of the modern
black community; “picnic” is a French derived word, piquenique,
that originates in the 1600s and thus some 300 years before the
lynching era of 20th century America; John Hanson, the first US
president, was very “white” and is often confused by the FFF with
a black Liberian senator of another era who shares the same name);
damages the work of accomplished African-centered scholars by
making fantastical claims of the ancient world (Africans sailed
everywhere and built everything – including supposedly Atlantis);
will make the most spurious links (often through linguistics)
to assert positions that all other forms of evidence deny; all
their sources come from 19th Century Europeans but will label
anyone who critiques their assertions as Eurocentric, brainwashed
by “white” learning, etc. (including other more moderate African-centered
Suggestions: The drawback of a literate society
is that if something is written down we tend to assume it must
be true. Any assertion you read should be followed up with research,
especially if it sounds overly fantastic. The key tool here is
critical analysis; employ it. Realize that no matter how well
the intention, misinformation is detrimental in the long run –
especially when those who seek to discredit Black Studies (Eurocentrists)
seize upon these fringe claims and use them as representative
of the discipline as a whole. There are a lot of black facts out
there in the metric tons; there’s never a need to make up anything.
Black Conspiracy Theorists: generally adhere
to belief that any and all conspiracy theories, even when they
contradict, are true. [Note: Conspiracies are not to be confused
with conspiracy theories. Conspiracies are usually events with
evidence that have been revealed often during or after the occurrence
(i.e., COINTELPRO under J. Edgar Hoover). Conspiracy theories
are more extraordinary claims based on circumstantial evidence
(i.e., a secret group called the Illuminati has been controlling
world events since the medieval era and caused a tornado with
alien technology from Roswell in Kansas last week).
Pros: are natural skeptics of authority;
some of their claims make you ponder the plausibility; serve as
great fodder for anyone who wants to write speculative fiction.
Cons: scares people into paranoia; evidence
for claims are often shaky if not completely bogus; no actual
solutions offered (i.e., storming the next board meeting of the
Illuminati and demanding redress for a few centuries of wrongs);
conspiracy theory scares often turn into a witch-hunt that can
become destructive to the black community; with Anti-Semitic Czarist
created fables like the “Protocols of Zion,” they and David Duke
could share a booklist.
Suggestions: Critically analyze any claim
and pick sense from non-sense.
Malnutrition-ists: individuals who hold fast
to the ideology that the revolution begins in the mouth and ends
with the colon. Malnutrition-ists are a more extremist branch
of the wholistic health movement that espouses a complicated belief
system which centers around and ends with food consumption. Among
their many assertions are that any type of edible meat is evil;
cooking vegetables is wrong; mixing foods of various colors or
types is an abomination; liquid-food diets are best; somewhere
in India there are humans who live off only the breathing of air.
Pros: are aware that dietary nutrition is
important; stress the need for healthy living for longer life;
great weight loss plan.
Cons: filled with factual errors about biology,
health and diet (i.e., think non-meat eating is a big African
trend, when it’s really more so Asian; claims humans aren’t meant
to eat meat, despite the fact that we have canines and the small
stomach of an omnivore rather than the large one of a herbivore,
etc.); can't eat as much as a single French fry in their presence
without enduring a graphic digestive lecture; the more extreme
live such rigid dietary codes that they are unable to adapt to
a rigorous lifestyle (took one of them with me on a trip to Africa
once; his refusal to eat anything made him so weak he had to leave
early and fly back home); no good in physical combat as they weigh
about a pocket-full of loose change and might pass out from the
first blow; often forget the exercise part of diet; Child Protective
Services will come and take your kids away and stuff a cheeseburger
down their throats if you have them living off his grain pasted
onto a stick.
Suggestions: Eat to live and be healthy,
not to adhere to some idealistic non-reality based standard.
Space Cadets: individuals who reject most
of the earthly matters of the black community and define “consciousness”
by adherence to a convoluted belief system that claims (among
other things) that there are gray skinned extra-terrestrials that
chirp like birds and walk on the moon with liquid shoes; that
aliens built most ancient cultures; speak in recently created
languages with an inordinate amount of Z's” and T's; urge their
followers to journey to compounds in certain southern states;
believe their leader is from another galaxy and numerous other
Pros: beyond a form of extreme escapism,
NONE! Did you not read what I wrote above or what? Run as far
away from these individuals as possible!
Cons: everyone will think you are crazy and
brainwashed, but you will think everyone else is crazy and brainwashed;
friends will avoid you like you’re selling Amway; your leader,
your kids and R. Kelley might film a video.
Suggestions: Crack kills. Switch to a big
phat blunt of SANITY. Roll it up with some REALITY for best results.
Keep an eye on children.
The Blunted: segment of the more extremist
conscious community who used to be very knowledgeable and intellectual
on matters of politics, society, etc. but was introduced to weed
and now views the herb as salvation.
Pros: always got one ready for you.
Cons: 95% of the time you have no idea what
in the hell they’re talking about.
Blame-Black-Women Foundation: typically males,
though a few black women join in (i.e., Sharazad Ali), who lay
any and all problems of the race at the feet of black women. According
to this philosophy, there is not a problem in the black community
that is not caused by black women (typically African-American
black women). According to this type, sexism does not exist in
the black community. Feminism, woman-ism or any other attempt
by black women to assert power, identity and self-awareness is
deemed a subversive plot hatched by white women. Some of the more
extreme members of this group advocate physical violence against
black women for perceived verbal transgressions.
Pros: at least they usually claim to love
their black mothers.
Cons: are unable to have healthy, working
relationships with black women unless they can control and dominate
the situation; blame black women for their lack of occupation,
schooling or some other shortcoming in life; jealous of success
of black women; some openly promote domestic violence; can't help
but wonder if their strong hatred for black women is a projection
of some deeply concealed opposite emotion: perhaps a homo-erotic
love for white men; will eventually either end up in the clink,
on COPS or get their ass beat when the sista they’ve been abusing
sees the end of “What’s Love Got to Do With It.”
Suggestions: Read some history books on the
role of black women in the black struggle. Read a few books on
sexism. Get counseling and deal with your issues. You’re embarrassing
the whole gender here.
Blame-Black-Men Foundation: typically women,
though a few black men join in to make blanket apologies on behalf
of all members of the racial-gender. Tend to lay any and all problems
of the race at the feet of black men. They will use black men
as their reason for inter-racial or even mono-gender relationship
Pros: at least they usually claim to love
their black sons.
Cons: take out grievances (justified and
unjustified) on the wrong black males, usually not the transgressor(s);
uses sexism as a shield for any short-coming, thus negating self-responsibility
or any level of blame in any conflict with black men; allows one
or several black males’ actions to define her attitude towards
black men everywhere.
Suggestions: Even understanding and acknowledging
the multi-faceted effects of sexism, blaming all black men for
the transgressions of one or few members of the race is about
as sensible as racial profiling – in fact it is racial profiling.
If one chooses to date/marry/or mate with another black woman
or a non-black male, make it ones own choice, not the fault of
all black men from here to Borneo.
Conscious Pimp Brotherhood: typically male,
charismatic and generally knowledgeable. Unlike many other members
of the more extremist and fringe elements in the conscious community,
these individuals do not espouse any grand yet narrowly focused
political, religious or other platforms/philosophies. In fact
their main mission is to spread love – to as many black women
as possible, by using the struggle and their “consciousness” as
a skillful tool of seduction. They can often be found in coffee
shops and can infect minds with the aid of a microphone and a
few skillful words. Jill Scott's “Love Rain Down” is an ode to
this type while Common's "A Film Called (Pimp)"” and
The Coup's "Me and Jesus the Pimp in a '79 Granada Last Night”
parody the concept with symbolism that touches on numerous other
Pros: Ask ya’ woman.
Cons: this type trivializes the struggle
by using it as a means to achieve some ass; causes massive dissent
and eventual dissolution of black political groups/organizations
by using the women within as a personal playground; every other
brother with dreads and a cowrie shell necklace gets blamed for
his actions (though oddly enough we never told anyone to sleep
with him); when he gets bored with sistas, he may take the revolutionary-between-the-thigh
exploration committee over to Becky (again leaving the rest of
us to take the heat); worse still, he might catch something and
pass it on; you might be friends with this type, laugh at his
exploits and even enjoy listening to them, but one day you’ll
find out he pushed up on your woman and you’ll have to beat his
ass – naturally.
Suggestions: None. Ya’ll is grown folks.
Do whutchalike. Just be safe (physically) and adult (mentally)
about it. Note: Contrary to persistent rumors, the author of this
article has never been a member of this brotherhood. Any assertions
to the contrary will be vehemently denied and result in pending
On a more serious note:
Okay, okay…this story was kind of made-up in the
beginning. And the groups up top may not be as stereotypical as
I make them out to be. Yet anyone who hangs around the conscious
community knows I wasn’t lying about the gist of those beliefs
in the least.
Does this negate the entire conscious” community?
Of course not. Fringe is everywhere – no movement or group is
free of it. My long winded point with this bit of satire? Just
showing those who say that we “conscious” types can't poke fun
and critique each other (or think that we all agree on each and
everything), that we have a sense of humor, level criticism and
have competing ideologies.
For those in the “conscious” community whose necks
may have bulged till ya popped your cowrie shell choker or your
head-wrap unraveled as you read this article, try the St. John’s
Wort prescribed above. To paraphrase the Madd Rapper in 50 Cents’
best joint to date, don't take this sh*t serious, cause I’m just
buggin out but then again…y'all can take it how you want it, word!
Morpheus stakes his hometown as Universal, USA. His PhD specialty
is World History. He won’t tell us much of anything about himself,
except his dislikes: Simps, Sambos, Coons, Negroes, Niggaz,
Wiggaz, Wannabeez, Pimpz, Ballaz, Shot-Callaz, Gangstaz, Thugz,
REAL Thugz, Playaz, Hustlaz, Bytchez, Ho'z, Keepin' It Realaz,
ThOw'd YuNgTaZ, Hot Boiz, Hot Gurlz, bustaz and other related