If - and it’s a very shaky if - the United States of America is still recognizable as an actual country by the time the 2026/28 elections roll around, the Democratic Party has one last shot before the madman squatting in the White Folks Only House and his MAGA Minions auction off the Statue of Liberty on eBay and turn the Constitution into a kindergarten coloring book.

This isn’t politics as usual. This is survival. Call it a political revolution, or call it common sense finally waking up from its nap. Either way, Democrats need two things:

1. A Unity Ticket that doesn’t scream “Geritol and oatmeal” at the top of the ballot.

2. A platform so simple that even the guy screaming at a gas pump can understand it.

Think of the Black Panther Party’s legendary 10-Point Program - now slice it down, strip off the grad-school jargon, and serve it straight. Not kale, not quinoa, not a 200-page white paper nobody reads. Just meat, potatoes, and a cold beer.

Here’s the 5-Point Plan Democrats should slap on bumper stickers, tattoo on forearms, and shout through megaphones until even Fox News can’t drown it out:

1. Economics: Pay People Like They Matter

Enough with the Wall Street lullabies and trickle-down bedtime stories. The average American is three paychecks away from eating cat food, while billionaires are funding vanity trips to Mars. Democrats need to become the “Party of the Paycheck.”

● Minimum wage: Raise it so people don’t have to DoorDash on their lunch break.

● Taxes: Stop licking the boots of hedge fund managers. Tax them like they live on Earth, not Olympus.

● Jobs: Invest in actual working-class industries - renewable energy, public works, infrastructure. Yes, roads, bridges, airports, the boring stuff that keeps society from looking like Mad Max.

The message is simple: If you work, you won’t be broke. If you’re rich, you’ll finally pay rent on the country you live in.

2. Education: Books, Not Bans

Education in America is like a houseplant left under a heat lamp - crispy and barely alive. Democrats have to reclaim it from both the book-burners and the Ivy League snobs who think “equity” means letting janitors’ kids into grad school once every leap year.

● Free Community College: Two years, no strings. You want a welders’ union or nurses’ pipeline? This is how.

● Debt Relief: Cancel student loans faster than you cancel a Hulu subscription.

● K-12 investment: Actual teachers with actual paychecks. Stop running urban schools like detention centers with Chromebooks.

Pitch it as: Kids need books, not bullets. Teachers need pay, not pity. America needs thinkers, not TikTok politicians.

3. Health: Medicare for the Masses

People are sick, literally, and not just from watching Congress work. The average American avoids the ER because they can’t afford the bill, while insurance CEOs swim in bonus money like Scrooge McDuck.

· Universal Coverage: Call it Medicare for America. Don’t overcomplicate it - “You get sick, you get care.”

· Big Pharma: Stop letting pill barons jack up insulin prices like it’s a rare Fabergé egg.

· Mental Health: Therapy shouldn’t cost the same as a week at Sandals Jamaica.

Campaign slogan: If Canada can do it, so can we. And yes, Americans deserve not to die broke from the flu.

4. Housing: Homes, Not Hedge Funds

Rent is higher than TRump’s legal fees, and homeownership feels like a boomer fairy tale. Democrats need to stop treating housing like a Monopoly board for Wall Street investors.

● Affordable Housing: Fund it. Build it. Zone it. Spare me the excuses.

● Rent Control: Cap it before every city becomes San Francisco.

● Anti-Vulture Laws: Ban hedge funds from hoarding houses like Beanie Babies.

Message: A home is a right, not a luxury. If America can build bombs that cost $2 million a pop, it can build apartments people can afford.

5. World Peace: Fewer Wars, More Waffles

America doesn’t need another season of “Game of Drones.” We’ve binged that show for 20 years and the finale still sucked. Every forever war is just a rerun: costs a fortune, eats our kids alive, and leaves us with fewer friends than a drunk uncle at Thanksgiving.

● No More Forever Wars: Afghanistan was one too many. Iraq? Don’t get me started. Ukraine? Help them stand, sure - but we’re not auditioning for a sequel to the Soviet Union.

● Diplomacy First: Words, not missiles - unless it’s mosquitoes or maybe Ted Cruz’s Twitter feed.

● Climate Alliances: The Earth’s on fire like a cheap Walmart grill. Work with other nations before Miami sinks and becomes “Little Atlantis.”

Pitch it like this: Fix America’s busted pipes, potholes, and paychecks before pretending you’re Captain America. Then - and only then - go save the world, but do it with the world, not at the world.

Bumper sticker version: “No more bombs before breakfast. Jobs. Schools. Health. Homes. Peace.”

The Unity Ticket: The Face of the Revolution

Forget another white-haired grandpa shuffling to the podium. Democrats need a ticket that screams future and not extended warranty about to expire. Pair a proven candidate (Obama-esque gravitas, Harris-esque toughness, Newsom-esque slickness) with someone unexpected but electrifying. Diversity isn’t “woke pandering”; it’s survival. America is not Mayberry anymore, it’s a mixtape.

Imagine this: Harris/Newsom. Or Obama’s political heir paired with someone who didn’t grow up in the Hamptons. A team that can show up at NASCAR and the NAACP convention without looking like they’re lost.

You ask, “Why does This Work?”

Because Americans are sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tired of being broke, tired of being sick, tired of being ignored. They don’t need a 200-page policy document written by Harvard interns. They need five simple promises, clear enough to chant at a protest and sharp enough to cut through Fox News static.

Economics.

Education.

Health.

Housing.

Peace.

Five words. Five points. Five reasons not to roll the dice on authoritarian cosplay.

If Democrats can’t figure this out, then yes, we’re doomed to choose between the fox and the wolf, the orange devil and the deep blue sea. And neither one makes a good dinner companion.